Staying Jewish against the odds

As a Jewish teen I'm always faced with the decision of choosing Judaism or the other things in my life. If I had been a Jew back in the Helenist days I would have most likely assimlated with the Greeks. It's not becuase I don't believe in Judaism but it's becuase sports are a big part of my life. I'm always having to make the tough decision of choosing baseball and Judaism. A lot of the time I choose baseball. A part of me always feels guilty and will always feel guilty but I believe that missing shabbat to do something I love is okay. Of course if it's a major holiday then the sitation is different.

I've always thought about it if I want my wife to be Jewish. It's defintley something I would prefer but at the end of the day I'm going to go with my heart, no matter what she believes in. But something I do strongly believe is giving my children a strong Jewish Identity. Being Jewish has given the best foundation possible and that's exactly what I want for my kids. If not fully Jewish I want them to know where they come from becuase this relgion is fascinating.

NFTY Convention

Every year EIE calls into NFTY Convention to talk about Israel. A lucky a few are picked to wake up at four in the mourning to talk to 1,000 Jewish teens from across the nation. Luckily I got to be one of those people. As much as I complained about having to wake up at four I am very grateful that I was able to speak. I hope I was able to represent EIE in a positive way and that I got people excited for what this whole experience is about. Talking to a thousand teens was overwhelming, not to mention again that it was very early in the morning. So if any of you reading this dowatch the call just remember that I am a half asleep. I think the best part of this whole call was the fact that it reminded me of why I am here in the first place. I'm here to experience Israel and everything it has to offer. So the next time I think about all the homework I have I just have to think about where I am and how it's worth it.

Free Heart by Muki

This song is about a guy who has just recently broken up with his girlfriend. From the words he used it seems that this girl was keeping him "tied down." He uses phrases and words such as, free heart, no more cables, like the wind, after being burned, light emerges from the darkness, no promises, free of nostalgia, and without programs. This relationship did not sound like a very healthy and respectful one. I've never really been in a relationship that has tied me down like this before so I can't empathize with how this person feels. But in friendships I've had this before. Any relationship should be one that you want to be in and with this one it doesn't seem like that was the case.

When you look at the Hebrew the word לב comes up a lot which from what I've learned in Hebrew I can tell is heart. לב חופשי is another word that comes up a lot which means free heart. This repetition is to emphasize the fact that he is free now. This one phrase ואור גדול עולה מתוך החושך when spoken sounds so beautiful. When I was reading the Hebrew this phrase really popped out at me. In English it meas And a great light emerges from darkness. That line it's self is so meaningful and when you say it's just pretty. This song is purposely showing people not to stay in a relationship that holds you back. Because if you do your not going to be happy.
Sorry I forgot to post the lyrics and link here they are now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQUwvwgNpNs&index=11&list=PLFdaDs6jm04gmKjghLvy09QV7cqWTZU53

Muki- Free Heart

Free heart, 

Today my heart is free, 

No cables 

And no more worries. 

Clean lie 

Free of nostalgia, 

Naked. 

Free heart 

Like the wind. 

And after it was burned, 

And after it was over already 

Released and fled 

One more time. 

And a great light emerges from the darkness, 

Is revealed. 

Night escape from this morning 

Rising. 

Free heart, 

Today my heart is free, 

Without programs 

And no promises. 

And life goes on, 

Family, friends, women, 

So I'm not alone 

I just without you. 

And this heart burns, 

This heart already runs 

Released and fled 

One more time. 

And a great light emerges from the darkness, 

Is revealed. 

Night escape from this morning 

Rising. 

Now far from me, 

But it does not hurt. 

Because as you've so did you go - 

The, you broke my heart.

Services

Services are one of my favorite parts of being Jewish. Even though I don't believe in God praying is a way for me to express my "love" for Judaism. I found my love for services at Camp when my song leader started make different versions of some of our prayers that we could all connect to. Incorporating modern songs with some of prayers really pulled me into a love for services. Being able to have a good time while praying is really what it's all about. Services aren't meant to be a burden and these songs for me created this into something that is enjoyable. In EIE we do the exact same thing which shows me that this movement of incorporating other songs into prayer is across the country. When we were at the synagogues last night I heard to new versions of prayer, Hallelujah to Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley and another prayer that I can't remember was to Hit the Road Jack. The world is changing and so is Judaism. We'll always have these meaningful prayers but who says they can't be to some modern music.

Obsessive. Compulsive. And Orthodox. 

First thing is that everyone has something that they believe makes them a "Bad Jew." But were not perfect and we'll never be. In this article she talks about how her thoughts scare her when she would think about other religious beings who were not Jewish. But she couldn't control her thoughts which I think is a very normal thing. Of course she has OCD so for her it was more extreme but we all have times when we drift off. When we drift off it's sometimes hard to control what we think about. That's why we shouldn't judge ourselves on what we think. I know that sounds contradictory because you should be able to think what you want but that's not true. In a way your brain has a mind of it's own. This may be wrong and I may be have some type of OCD then but I've noticed that for me it's hard to control my thoughts. 

As a Jew it is our Job to embrace ourselves for who we are. We can't change it but we can become comfortable with ourselves. For this girl she had to learn to live with OCD, for me I've had to grow up with auditory processing which has led to me having trouble learning and speaking a lot of the prayers. I thought that I had a problem with Judaism and that maybe I was wasn't "worth" it. But I realized that this doesn't matter. The fact is that I don't need to know all the prayers and I don't have to say them right because as long as I care about Judaism that's all that matters.  

 

The Western Wall

I have never had such a holy experience in my life. After visiting the Kotel I've felt so differently about everything. I don't what it is but when I visited the Kotel I just felt so overwhelmed, with joy? spirituality? sadness? everything? The moment I finally touched the wall I felt a rush go through my body. It was something I don't even know how to explain. But I know now why this place is special. As I put my head on Kotel I became in a trance. I closed my eyes and I felt content. It was truly the first time on this trip that I had felt truly relaxed and in a place where I felt comfortable. After we had left I was at a  loss of words. I can't really explain what I felt at the Kotel but I do know that my Judaism is that much stronger because of it.